


lunacy

by AngelicSentinel



Category: Magic Kaito, 名探偵コナン | Detective Conan | Case Closed
Genre: Character Study, Experimental Style, M/M, Poetry
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-11-29
Updated: 2018-11-29
Packaged: 2019-09-02 07:56:05
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,052
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16782841
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AngelicSentinel/pseuds/AngelicSentinel
Summary: Kaito waxes and wanes like the phases of the moon





	lunacy

**Author's Note:**

> 🌙

becoming kaitou kid feels like a dream

the first time he swings the mantle over his shoulders it feels like coming home the silk lining hugging his skin the tightly woven wool perfectly white and fitted

almost as if his father had known

almost as if it were made for him

its the first thing that’s fit right in a long time

the moon high overhead

shadows dancing across mirrored glass

white phantom wings

he spends his first afternoons locked up in his fathers room learning learning learning disguises

he knows some from his mother but not enough and he doesnt feel like asking

not when she hid this from him

how could she hide this from him (it stings like leaving it stings like _betrayal_ )

like the two halves of the same court card facing different direction he loves her and he hates her 

it cracks like tree growing in an ugly mirror shatters into a thousand pieces

makes his skin bleed digs in and takes root

he can be a different person every time

and its relieving like twisting the release on a pressure valve

kaitou kid doesnt have to have a face

kaitou kid doesnt have to be kaito

he can be anything he wants

he can steal lives and wear them for a while

put them back when he feels better about himself

kaito doesnt plan thats what he has jii for

he follows his whims and they work most of the time

and the ones that dont he improvises

its challenge and absolution all in one

(kaito remembers reaching out towards the (his) father screaming, a hand on his chest holding him back, and oh how he hated in that moment, in a rage he’s never felt before or since except always)

maybe if each show is grander each heist more over the top

reaching always reaching

why do you do it

~~vengeance~~

~~to protect~~

i dont (know)

wrong answer

white like the moon, waxing and waning

white like the crest of calling waves, kaito ebbs and flows

constant in inconstancy, each crash upon the shore new

sometimes a gentle whisper, sometimes a roaring tsunami

that cold proud wall of water, drowning everything

including him, washing it all away

nights, days, they blur in mind fever

in impulse and obsession

in an endless shifting landscape of museums and rooftops

of moonlight and starlight and glittering gems

drowning, drowning

lunacy

the dream fades into nightmares over time

into clenched sheets and echoing gunshots

into dark laughter and panicked screams

and an armful of someone who must be protected

(youd thought it was a game hadnt you you fool

the cost is so cheap, kaito

its only your life)

routine in the extraordinary

the gold becomes gilt after a time

each heist caught in requisite take examine return

and the excess starts to feel like excess like expectation

the crowds are screaming kaito is screaming too

comfort becomes cold moons ice eye

pop and boom and the world shakes

face not face tarnished idol black mirror

the crow caws the crow calls

a challenge a step ahead a fake

(but whos the fake kaito do you know)

freezing cold and searing heat

less a win and more a concession than a forfeit

the split

rooftops

guns and grief

and

loss and lies

the world spins on

routine

kaito stands one more white speck against the dark velvet of the night

on a tower made from steel and glass cold and moonlight shining down

one lonely rocket mixing with the stars

and kaito sees himself reflected in his eyes

his eyes that see that truth

and feels that spark come to life once again

will he like it kaito wonders will he dream will he see

like wind winding a kite ever higher into the sky

kaitos reach exceeds his grasp

a rival he thinks a challenge a gauntlet

a future a reason a will a want

and then one fateful call and kaitos world spins again

birds tiny winged angels soft white and rain

the tap tap tap of (big) little feet

a smile and a favor and a nod

truth 

kaito feels too much he always has

and this small growth showing through the cracks is dangerous

obsession in pageclicks and traces of film

the roots are spreading threading into everything consuming him until he becomes as vine

choking him in red green blue tracing pixels saving him

and then another wall of fire and kaito cant help but—

pop and boom and the world shakes

it hurts in a way it shouldnt the smoke and the fire

burning burning burning like his overfull heart

of course he wouldnt see him the same they never do

stupid, foolish kaito with his big dreams and small reality

hed thought hed thought well it doesnt matter what hed thought it means nothing in the end anyway

(like blond hair and warm eyes and warmer skin

a back unknowingly turned a desperate hand ignored

why do you do it

i ~~still~~ dont (know))

going staying

drowning burning drowning

unreal city nightmare horizon

kaito standing on the edge of a glass tower red eye above blinking blinking

Kid a voice and kaito closes his eyes thinks of tasers and trains (fire always fire) cold and the moon and the waves

and kisses presses him to the wall

wood and metal and fire

too much too much kaito killed before it could grow sinking

air and water

he yields he gives he takes

everything that kaito is soul swallowed

this is who he is

lunacy

highs and lows a rollercoaster a whirlwind

sharp words sharper accusations

the taste of obsession in the back of kaitos throat

he opens he gives he gives

too much kaito too much

(never enough)

a gem glittering red in the moonlight

a syncope

an end kaito

he follows on his heels like a hound

tracks him hunting hounding

spinning a catch (whats the catch whats the catch)

Caught

a

kiss

the eye of the storm anchors _him_

truth spins, Truth keeps—

Immovable, immutable Truth,

Steady even as Kaito’s storm rages,

As Kaito drifts like air, flows like waves, shifts like earth, burns like fire;

A hand reaching underwater pulling him up despite the weight,

Lunacy, but then—

_Love_.


End file.
